How
to Date
Several years ago, while visiting the Grand Canyon I hiked deep into
the canyon to see a waterfall. As I trekked along the Colorado River, I met a
young couple who were heading to the same waterfall. They invited me to join
them, but I felt they would slow me down. As I raced on ahead, I began to fear
I had missed the falls. As panic set in I scrambled up a cliff and startled a
deer which caused me to fall back and tumble down the rocky canyon. As I lay
there, I heard the sound of descending water. Following it, I found the sweet
couple I had passed earlier, enjoying their lunch at the base of the falls.
I tell this story to illustrate a reality: the couple and I both got
to our destination, but I took a less efficient and not-so-fun route to get
there. This illustrates modern dating. People are finding love every day. Yet
the journey is taking considerably longer—many people don’t get married until
they pass thirty-years-old. In past generations the trails were clearer, but
now we are forging through the wilderness with no equipment, no guide, and half
a granola bar. We are making it, but we’re getting pretty beat up along the
way.
The rules of dating have become ambiguous and uncertain. Dating should
be associated with words like fun, exhilarating, and uplifting. But
far too often, the words I hear associated with dating are sad,
exhausting, and stressful. As someone who loves my
young, single friends, I want a better journey for them. And a better journey
is possible! The path to love can be painful, but there is a way to navigate it
that can avoid needless pain.
Much of the distress today has been caused by the lack of any
intentional dating process. Notice I say process—the word implies
movement. Dating should be a series of actions toward a predetermined end. It
is not a status you sit in without any kind of momentum. It’s meant to be a
process of evaluation that has an ending point—a destination called marriage.
This process is characterized by timeless principles rooted in the
character and love of God. Note I call them principles, not
steps. Steps would be easier—just follow the instructions and you’ll be happily
married! Dating does not work this way, for relationships are too dynamic.
Dating is more like sailing across the ocean than assembling a product. Steps
won’t work when you are crossing the ocean on a boat. You cannot get
turn-by-turn directions, because the environment is dynamic. Who knows what
storms you will encounter along the way?
Principles, however, can save your life at sea. Knowing how to chart
according to the stars, or how to use a compass, or how to chart with a map and
sextant, can see you through. In the same way, your principles in dating can
help you handle any challenge that comes up. That information will get you from
the shores of singleness to the port of marriage.
Following the principles I will cover in the next two readings will
require you to have your head and heart in the game. It will take work. But
this work will become an adventure (albeit with risks) that makes it worth the
effort. These guiding principles—if you apply them to your dynamic dating
environment—will lead you safely through the tempestuous waters of dating.
Respond
What words do you associate with dating? What are your expectations
about how to date? What is your mindset?
What does it mean for dating to be a process? What actions are
involved in engaging in the process of dating? What is your destination on this
journey? If you are not interested in marriage, what are your options for
having healthy relationships?
What relationship skills do you need to work on to date successfully?
How are you at listening, watching and evaluating the people you meet? How can
this process be an adventure?
Adapted
From: Dating You Version
