I don’t know about you but one of my great struggles
as a pastor, dad, and man is the desire to be liked and loved by all. You have
probably figured out, like I have, that this is impossible. If we are not careful, this desire will cause
us to live our lives based on what others want over what God wants. A verse
that God reminds me of regularly is Proverbs 29:25. It says “Fearing people is a dangerous trap,
but trusting the Lord means safety.” Recently, I read a blog by Pete Wilson on
the idea of needing to be loved. It spoke loudly in my life so I thought I
would share it with you today.
Brad Snipes
Middle School Youth Pastor
A
Destructive Mistake
By: Pete Wilson
Probably
the most asked question I get in interviews and by pastors I’m mentoring is,
“If you could go back and change anything in your ministry, what would you
change?”
Usually I’m thinking, You
don’t have enough time for me to actually answer that question. I’d change tons
of things.
However, at the very top of the
list would be my driving desire to be “loved” at all costs.
I have a lot of friends in
ministry that are addicted to this pride-swelling choice as well.
For most of my life and certainly
all of my ministry, I’ve been addicted to pleasing everyone. It didn’t matter
if it cost me my personality, my family, or even at times, my vow to speak
truth. I just wanted to be “loved.”
•
I would ignore the sincere
compliments of others to be obsessed with the few critics.
• I would abandon my boundaries and
go above and beyond to “help” someone while ignoring my family.
•
I would put off the tough
leadership decisions trying to keep all sides content.
Why? Simple. I wanted to be
“loved.”
But let me tell you something.
Leading with a desire to be loved is dangerous. Parenting with a desire to be
loved can be destructive. And if you spend your life trying to be loved instead
of being loving, it’s going to lead you to all kinds of unhealthy
extremes.
Part of learning humility for me
is to understand I simply can’t please everyone. Not everyone is going to like
me, love me, or think I’m great. They’re just not.
I feel like I’m growing in this
area. I’m learning the freedom that comes along with seeking to love,
instead of always desiring to be loved. The first leads to meaning
and significance while the latter is an emotional black hole that can never
be filled.
I pray you will learn to live in
the Kingdom and be freed from the sheer stupidity and vanity of going through
life trying to make sure other people think the right things about you. If
you depend on other people loving everything you say or do, you will end up
doing and saying nothing. I pray you’ll receive the fact that you are loved
in the eyes of God in such a way that you can then go out to lead and live,
seeking to truly love the people around you.
